xoxo

Late night hello to you all. How was your day?? Around here it stayed gloomy and rainy all day long. Its still raining. Its suppose to rain off and on tomorrow too but it should be warmer. I don't know what is going on with me but I have been feeling a little down lately.. Ive had a cold from hell that hasn't been easy to deal with and my cough lives on... all night long. Plus my grandfather/dad has been on my mind a lot too. He passed away 4 years ago. I call him my grandfather on here so everyone knows who I am talking about but he wasn't grampa.. he was dad. There are moments in almost every day when I miss him so much that it becomes hard to breath. I walk around my house talking to him like hes right here beside me. I wish to God I could just have 5 more minutes with him. The first year he was gone.. I was a complete mess. We lost my grandfather, Scott's mom, my grandmother, Scotts niece and then my uncle all in a matter of 1 1/2 years. I was in total despair.. so much so I got on some meds to help me through all those problems. Year 2 I was learning to live with it.. Year 3, I learned that  memories are everything and I actually thought I made it through the hardest of times. I actually thought.. I done it.. I am ok.. but here pops up year 4 and he's on my mind more than ever. Its tough. 4 years now, I am finding that I don't know shit about the grieving process. I really don't because its hard and messy. For a control freak like myself, its really hard because there is nothing I can do to get him back. Nothing. I remember the talks we use to have about what would happen when he did leave this world. I expressed that I wouldn't be able to cope and somehow I have managed to cope but I still fall apart about it all the time. I think what else makes it hard is when Jackson asks me something about him.. I end up crying. I do try to be strong but I can't control it. I really do miss him and I will carry him in my ♥ forever and he has left his mark on my soul. We have had our ups and downs but like any father/daughter relationship.. but we had far more ups than we ever had downs. He was loyal, loving, forgiving, and understanding.. But he ruled with a heavy fist and would go nuts on anyone who brought unhappiness to his kids lives. That's who he was. And now all I have is memories... Out of everyone we lost.. he is the one on my mind everyday. Nothing is the same. 

So since the weather was as gloomy as I was.. it called for one thing..

Potato Soup. It was comforting to everyone in the house. Jackson loved it.. and Scott loved it too. I made a huge pot.. This is my grandma Marys recipe which is fast, easy, and delicious. You can make smoother using heavy cream but milk works for us most times. I cooked a lot of bacon.. and we all got our bellies full! Plus we have tons of leftovers. I am not sure if I have ever posted the step by step directions so maybe I will have to do that for you guys.. because the soup is that good! 

I wasn't feeling good at all today so I didn't get that much done around the house. Tomorrow husby is working - big sale sale going on - so I guess I will have some extra time to finish things up. I HATE that hes working tomorrow but its important for him to be there. He's just not the kind of guy who can sit home when things are going on at work. Its a miracle to get him on vacation! =) We still have our trip to Gatlinburg coming up. We always take the big kids for a long weekend because its not easy getting all of us together... but I think we are doing in in the middle of November which is going to be COLD.. But it should be fun!! 

Tomorrow I hope to pull myself out of my funk and try to accomplish more than what I did today. I did get the frig cleaned out and a little bit of the house cleaned up but still more to do. 

BTW.. I had a problem with my email subscribing system. If you are not getting your daily emails.. please take a second and resubscribe. I have been working with tech support to get it fixed.. but its not done. Tomorrow, I will hopefully get it all taken care of .. thanks to Phil! 

Sweet Dreams

K Jaggers

♥