My little Holiday Terror... a Mommy Post

You know, I have no idea what it is with my kid and the holidays. He has found away to make them all very gloomy and Valentines Day was NO EXCEPTION. I told you guys Jackson had some problems on Valentines Day.. and let me tell you.. it wasn't such a fun day around the Jaggers house. 

I woke up.. took Jackson to school. He was in a happy go lucky mood.. smiling and giggling when he got out of the car. My day continued as did his. I was working around the house around 130 when I recived a call from the Principle of the School. 

→ Its never good when I get a phone call from the Principle herself ← 

and I was notified that Jackson and another little boy got into a real fight in the classroom.  The teacher had to physically break them up and both boys got suspended for 1 day... Friday.... and I had to come pick him up. 

For me.. I was a nervous wreck. Was he hurt? What happened? Scott was at work and I had to call and tell him.. which wasn't fun but I did point out that I was the one who is here and who has to go into that school and pick him up.  Its like I was being called into the principles office. It was awful. The school is only about 1 minute.. maybe 2 from our house. So there was not much time in the car to think about what I was going to do. Then I get to the school and cars are lined up all over because school was getting ready to get out. So I had to park far away and basically hike my way to my son in the school. Mind you.. I was cleaning and washing windows when I got the call. So I was in sweats.. my hair was in a ponytale and I didn't have much makeup on. Yea.. really glamorous. 

I can remember it just as it happened. I was gabbing on the phone with one of my good friends about what had happened while I was walking up to the school. I finally get to the front door and have to hang up the phone. When I looked down to push END on my phone.. my hands were shaking so badly. So I stood outside the door for a couple of minutes to calm myself down. I am not sure if my son has any idea how bad his actions effect me. 

So I walk into the school and into 

 to find my son sitting in a chair. Actually I had to wait for a second but I could see him through the windows and made eye contact with him. He will tell you now that - my look was very scary to him. - So the principle and I walk into the room so I can figure out what happened. 

Was Jackson hurt?

Would it be Jackson was hit first and it was just instinct that he hit back?

Was Jackson being bullied? 

Was it over a little girl? 

I had all kinds of questions. Only to find out that the fight was over.. 

I kid you not. 

This is what happened.. 

The Valentine Party was going on. Jackson got a mini Butterfinger Candy Bar from one of his classmates. He ended up dropping it ( while it was still wrapped up ).. another little boy who Jackson doesn't get along with walked up before Jackson could pick it up and stomped on it. Jackson couldn't control himself and pushed the other little boy and from there a serious fight happened. Jackson was hit in the face.. the other little boy was hit in the face. The entire class saw it happen and was disrupted by my son and the other kid. The teacher who was out in the hallway when it happened, heard the noise and came rushing in to break them up. 

So lets look at this a little more.. 

Jackson put his hands on the other little boy first. 

They both disrupted the classroom.

The other little boy hit Jackson for being pushed and he got suspended too. 

And it happened on another holiday for us. 

Jackson explained in his 10 year little boy way that he just couldn't control himself when the candy bar got smashed. The first thing I said to him was 

" Are you ok? "

then I busted out with 

" Dude, what is up with the holidays? " 

He started crying.. I was in tears.. and it wasn't long before the Principle was explaining that in middle school, when kids fight.. the parents don't get to come pick them up. Instead they get cuffed.. go to jail.. and then have to do some kind of community service. Yea.. it won't be so good for him next time. Plus this was an unexcused day they would get for being suspended on Friday. 

Once we got back home.. we had a long talk and he started writing sentences. 

I will not fight.. I will not fight.. I will not fight.. I will not fight.. and he ended up writing that over 250 times over the weekend. Clearly I couldn't ( and wouldn't ) whip him for pushing and hitting. I don't think teaching him to not be violent with violence is the answer. He got grounded from going outside of his bedroom. He lost the xbox.. he lost all of his hand held video games including his laptop and ipad. But one thing was going to happen for sure. 

He was going to participate in Valentines Day Dinner even if it killed him to sit there with us. He was embarassed and didn't want to eat with everyone. Instead he wanted to eat alone in his room and I wasn't having that. First off.. we are a family.. nothing he can do is unforgivable.. and Second.. he wasn't ruining another holiday. I know that sounds kinda strong.. but his history is pretty bad when it comes to the holidays. 

On his own birthday in October.. he got suspended from the school bus for accepting a pocket knife from another kid. 

On Thanksgiving.. he was pretty grumpy and wasn't too nice. 

Then Christmas comes and Jackson has a total melt down.. which I don't want to really discuss. 

and now he is suspended on Valentines Day. 

That seriously has to be some kind of record! I am thinking I am going to tie his butt to his bed for Easter! When I bring up the pattern of holidays and trouble to Jackson he admits.. he just isn't into celebrating. He doesn't like any change in his schedule.  Well too bad!! 

Its been 4 days now since the fight happened.... he is still grounded but we are starting to ease up a bit. He had to write letters to the principle.. the teacher and Scott even had him write one to the other little boy. However, that particular note got left at home today. 

Gosh.. my kids are going to be the end of me! I can remember getting into trouble at school and the love and loyalty that my grandfather showed me during those hard times and it sure helped with how I handled Jackson. I was ready to ring his neck on Thursday. But I had to sit back and remember that he is just a kid.. and these kinds of mistakes are really bigger life lessons than just learning to keep your hands to yourself. I consider myself a pretty liberal parent who doesn't have a lot of the same rules as other parents but my son sure realized this weekend that fighting is not allowed.... EVER AGAIN. 

He is still grounded and he better come in a couple hours with nothing but good reports. I am allowing him to have tv because I am not trying to make him nuts in solitary. No.. and we showed him a lot of love even in the midst of his suspension. Scott took him out Friday to the movies.. they also went clothes shopping.. and while I thought it was kinda crazy.. Scott pointed out that he doesn't get a lot of time with him when he works so much. He also wanted Jackson to know that we love him no matter what. I really thought on Friday he should have been writing sentences until his hand fell off but husby turned out to be the softy in this one. 

He did come home with .. 

and was sorry for what had happened. And even on Valentines Day Dinner.. when he was puffy eyed from crying.. tired from writing sentences and grumpy from being lectured over and over.. he was happy at dinner. 

You can't see it in the picture but on the left side of the the red card is in fact a large 

just as a joke to Jackson.. He didn't laugh. I explained to him that pushing a little boy over a silly candy bar is just dumb.. because I would buy him a entire case of candy bars. He didn't need to do that. 

You can see that he wasn't all smiles.. 

but he did enjoy Valentine Dinner. 

I just wasn't letting a 10 year old take Valentines Day hostage with his mistakes. Nope.. 

I really think this had more to it than just a candy bar. Clearly both of these boys do not like each other and I really think it was the last straw for Jackson before he snapped and pushed him. So now we are working on controlling ourselves in hard situations. God knows, I need to learn with him because there are times when I don't react so well either! 

But today I know he felt loved when he got out of the car. He knows the right thing to do.. he also knows the wrong way to act.. Its up to him to pick which one he is going with. Lets hope it was a good day for him! I never understood when my grandfather say.. that disciplining  me was harder on him than it was on me.  What? How could that be possible?? He isn't the one getting his ass whipped or grounded? How could it be harder on him than I?

Well Dad.. I understand now. Because its totally harder on me than it is Jackson. I think about what is the right decision.. how do I handle this where this child is not scared for life.. how to I let him know this behavior is unacceptable.. Do I whip him? Do I ground him? All hard decisions.. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who helps me make the tough decisions.. And Jackson is fully aware things would be much worse for him if he was at his fathers.. so that alone better make him thankful! 

This clearly states how we feel in our home.. 

We love you Jackson.. Stay out of trouble!!!  And no more screwing with the holidays either! 

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