Remembering....

     

Hello.. after such a long day of not feeling good then hours at the pool.. I am surprised I am blogging right now. I really hope by tomorrow I am feeling better.. Haven't I been saying that for a few days now??? Anyway.. I want to feel better and be in a better mood.

Scott was home for most of my day.. so not much got done around here. I took a nap for a little over an hr around 5 just to give me what I needed to get through the pool.

While I was swimming and splashing around in the pool I suddenly flashed back to playing in the pool with my grandfather. It took my breath away. I love the memories I have. I wouldn't change anything but to have more time with him..really more time with a few people are no longer with us but he is who stands out in my head most. He died on Saturday August 30 2008 and I feel it just like I did that day. I was was in a 3 room cabin in the middle of the woods hanging clothes up when I got that call. My knees buckled and life was forever changed. Our last conversation was one of the best we ever had and no one will ever know how much those last words we spoke meant to me. Another thing that no one knows is that I have had 3 or 4 new phones since his death and I still put his number in. I call it sometimes and it tells me its been disconnected.. Yea.. I feel disconnected from him right now. We use to have the talks when I was in early 20's about how I was going to cope when they ( they as in both my grandparents ) were gone. I could barley have the conversations then and its just as hard now. I kinda think that's why their first son Joey died just a few months after my grandmother in 2009. My grandmother died in June and my uncle in Aug. He was very close to them and always told me when they were gone.. he would quickly follow.. He did.. and I miss him dearly too. Everything I do takes me back to them. Memories are great.. but they can also be torture.I am lucky in a sense because I had 4 parents growing with my grandparents and my mom and dad.. I still have them both and I love them very much. I am not as close to my dad as I would like to be. He just isn't what I want to be but I have to love him for what he is. And my mom is a huge part of my life. She always has been..So maybe I am lucky that I had so many people to love me. My cousin and some other mean people use to say stuff about my grandparents raising me and not my parents. Well.. I can tell you that I had more people who cared for me than most.. My mom's mom is still with us and she is like my best friend and I love her very much.. So I know I am blessed..

 I guess its just one of those nights. =(

On to something that doesn't make me cry..

I got a email today from my young new reader who had the calendar questions asking why I curse and still talk about prayer.. I almost said something bad but.. I will try answer it without too many curse words! Point blank.. I believe in God and Prayer. I believe in manners.. but I do curse like a sailor at times and I am sorry for it. I have made new years resolutions and I have tried to tone it down.. and I have but I curse. I try to not say the really bad words in front of the kids and I don't ever curse God. I never said I was perfect. Far from it to be honest. Speaking of cursing.. I was giggling with a friend who sent me this picture she found online in reference to the stalker who leaves the mean comments.. I don't know if I am going to permanently put it up on the blog or not but here it is..

Love it!!!

And love that she seen it and thought that hateful bitch or Mr. bitch            
  ( They hide ) who keeps bothering me! I thought it was perfect and seriously thinking about putting it at the top of the blog.. You know who you are and yep.. this applies to YOU!! See there goes that cursing again..

Wow.. a lot of God talk tonight. Wasn't expecting that to be tonight's post but it just flowed. And oddly enough my grandfather and cursing kinda go hand in hand.. hahaha!!! He cursed a lot too!!

Right now I am sitting back on my love seat while the kids and Scott are Sleeping.. 2 am here and I just needed the time to myself. I crave alone time. It would be totally different if I had no family or friends I guess. but I like quite time late at night. I like the house being clean and cozy with one light on or so and right now I am soaking up that experience. I actually have the movie The Social Network playing while I blog.. I love this movie.. I also love smart guys. I really do. Why I did crave or like the intellectual guys in my late teens and 20's I don't know.. But I like the nerds!! I like having a husband who is smart. who is smarter than me on some levels. Not all though..Guess I just had to grow up and realize that those younger..crazy guys were such mistakes. Guess I had something to learn from them..I wonder if that lesson was sweet and simple..

→ Don't date dumb ass's ←...

You have no idea how long that took me to learn!

Well lots of rambling tonight.. I am going to get things ready for morning and then I am going to bed..

Sweet dreams..

K Jaggers

♥