Too Much Thinking and Not Enough Sleeping..

Late night hello to you all. Since I can't sleep.. I figured why not blog. I am tired.. actually I am exhausted but no amount of sleep seems to help. Things have been so crazy that I wake up all hours or the night and morning with stomach aches...or I wake up from a crazy dream that brings thought after thought flowing through my sleepy mind. Today I think my lack of sleep and all the problems going on around here finally caught up to me. It seemed everywhere I went I was either pissing people off or getting pissed off. It all started with what happened around here a few days ago. Since our big life changing day.. its been hell. I have been depressed, angry, confused and  sad. scared too. I didn't really venture out since Saturday night. Sunday I was home all day except when Scott and I left to get some stiff drinks and food. Then Monday.. nothing. Tuesday..nothing.. Seriously.. I just sat on the couch all day yesterday and wallowed. I knew I had no business mingling around the public. The cats were out of wet food.. the house was a mess.. and I just didn't give a shit. Brittany upset me so bad yesterday that I was on the phone screaming at her father.. who was trying to calm me down. Now that's one for the books. He never tries to calm me down. Normally he's more of a instigator. Guess he knew how serious it was. Scott seemed pretty upset that Tuesday I wasn't cooking. Yea right. I wasn't going to do that..so around 10pm I ordered a pizza for the kids and went to bed. So today.. I wake up, with the same things on my mind.. and can't get back to sleep. I stumbled to the coffee pot, and then notice that one of the cats left me a big hairball in the middle of the floor. I seriously just stepped over and proceeded to the couch. I think I remained there pretty much the entire day. Around 5pm, I started quickly picking up the house. I just couldn't look at it any longer. But it wasn't like a day of cleaning. It was 30 minutes with the kids, getting the worst areas picked up. I really knew I should not be in public with my attitude but I had promised the kids that we would go swimming. 

Here's where it all gets interesting...

*  The hot tub was closed. There was no way in hell I was getting into the COLD lap pool without heating up first. I asked the life guard what was going on.. he said the chemicals were all messed up but working fine now. Ummmmm....then why isn't it open I said?  He calmly told me that I would have to wait till tomorrow. Perfect. So I just swam in the other pool.

*  I had my Nike backpack under " our little bench" that we were using. Now there are no assigned seats at the pool but people find little spots to sit.. and we had a bench with the bag under along with the shoes.. on top was our huge beach towels, goggles, and such. Scott came and had got some other towels from the front desk and put them on the bench too. Then this bitch comes and pushes our stuff to each side and plops her ass right down. She doesn't move. I am nervous she is going to take our stuff.. including the backpack so I get out. I go stand there by her.. move the bag all around trying to let her know.. this spot was taken by 4 other people. The kids and Scott come stand around her too.. she is in the way of the shoes and such. I wanted to knock her off that bench myself. I finally decided to just leave because I knew I was going to say something really bad. She just moved all our stuff and got comfy.

* Brittany was pissed the entire time at the pool because I am tired of the 2 piece bathing suits and required she wear a t-shirt. She was so mad. And I didn't care one bit. She's 11...not 20. end of story. 

*  While we were at the YMCA I found stuff on Brittany's phone that totally upset me. AGAIN. I seriously thought I was going to toss that bitch [ the phone :) ] into the deep end of the pool and go on with life. I didn't. And BTW.. she doesn't have a facebook page anymore either. Yea.. yesterday was full of surprises. 

* Then Scott decides he is going to take us to dinner tonight after the pool. Well I forgot a bra.. I had my suit under my shorts and shirt....so I couldn't really change. The kids didn't bring other clothes and here husby brings us out to eat. It was too cold with the air for us to eat inside... so we sat outside. He was the only one dry and warm. We all froze. The waitress brings us all sweet teas and I took one sip.. and told her to take it back that I hated it. Then she brings this over priced food to the table and I took one bite..and knew it wasn't cooked. It was awful. Scott wanted me to say something, instead I just put the napkin over it and told her to take it away. Brittany was complaining too some about my food being bad.. and I say.. Just because I hate the food here.. doesn't mean I have to be a bitch about it. Guess what? The waitress was right behind me. Again.. perfect. The cook needed more lessons because not only was my food wayyyy under cooked.. Zanes burger was pretty bad too. I did feel a little bad because I know Scott wanted us to all enjoy dinner.. but we didn't.  I left hungry.. really hungry and decided after our dinner I would pick something up for myself which made Scott feel bad. I honestly think that he didn't want to make things worse so he just let me do what ever I wanted. I guess my mood showed. 

* I decide to come on home because I lost the house key and he can't get in without me being here. I have no idea where I put the key. So I come home.. only to sit here for about 10 minutes before deciding to go get the cats some food. Back to Walmart I went. I stroll around, chatting on the phone, feeling ok. Nothing weird was happening and it kinda felt like a mini vacation. UNTIL I got to the parking lot doing laps looking for my car. Oh yea, I drove Scotts car. Ha. 

* I decide to go to Wendys for my late night dinner and the woman taking my very simple order couldn't figure out if I wanted the shredded cheese on my burger or my chili cheese fries. I was on the phone and I seriously wanted to climb through that little voice box and ring her neck. My friend started laughing.. and it actually gave me a laugh to hear her. God knows I needed that moment with her. 

* I come home.. and realize I forgot many other items. No way in hell I was going back out. I am hoping Scott can pick them up tomorrow on his way home. 

Because if I am in the same mood tomorrow, I am not leaving at all. Nope. I can't put my negative depressed energy on other people and I can't deal with selfish rude people right now. I am afraid I am going to start committing felonies if I have to deal with more of the same tomorrow. My mom called today.. she said, I have had a couple of drinks so don't take this bad...I thought.. perfect, what now? She said, I just want you to go out and have fun. Forget everything. Take the kids and just start fresh. Keep your family together and move on. Fancy that.. it wasn't bad news after all. :) I tried mom.. but I was miserable. Maybe tomorrow will be better. She did let me know some very fun interesting news. My sister is going to Ireland for a year! I think we are going to get her set up to blog/vlog her travels.. so it will be fun having another blogger in the family! I'm really happy that she is getting to travel abroad and do something she loves. Its an amazing opportunity for her! That was another smile today. 

Scott and I are doing a little better today. The kids have sucked our life out of us the past few days. I really didn't know if things were going to keep falling apart or get better.. but some how I am still trying to keep faith that it will some how fall back together. Really I need my husband to be strong for all of us. I feel like right now I should curl up in his arms and forget everything but that doesn't feel quite right either. Nothing feels right. But maybe a new day will bring a better everything. Thanks for listening to me bitch. You guys are always the best. And if you got something you want to bitch about.. feel free to vent in the comments!

xoox

K Jaggers

♥