Not such a long break huh? Last night I received an email from a stranger that really touched my heart. She didn't really tell me anything new that my friends and family haven't already said. But she went on to tell me that she has read this blog for a very long time and has fell in love with my family. She shared that a few years ago she went through her own divorce.. and still dealing with the pain. She explained how my blog lifted her spirits and renewed her thoughts on love and marriage. She told me that it broke her heart to see what we have been going through. She even sent me this picture to try to inspire me to just get to the next day. Because it will be better. I really touched to sit back and read it. I don't know how this blog effects people. Its not a huge blog. It's mainly a family blog with a lot of makeup posts. But it just goes to show that there are people out there who are reading what we all write.. and feeling what we are feeling. In the last couple of days the out pouring of love through emails, text messages, facebook, and phone calls has been insane. I also got a message on facebook from a old classmate ( whom I honestly don't have a memory of...my memory sucks ) that was so kind. She again said she found me on fb.. started reading this blog and she was actually warning me to not listen to all the women on facebook who were quick to tell me to walk out on my marriage. And she told me she would put us in her prayers. It was truly touching and something I really needed to hear in that moment. So for all of you who want to know.. I got mad over some stupid girl texting my husband at 930...whom he works with. I smashed his phone.. put the picture up on facebook with a mean message and the comments started rolling in. Honestly, it was the wrong thing to do. I was just flipping out. So much has happened over the past 2 months and this was pretty much the last straw for me. I did end up taking it down. My mom and my best friend were trying to keep me calm.. which didn't work and it was a night of hell around here. I felt heartbroken, deceived, and angry. I really do love him with all my heart. I don't believe this girl will ever bother him again after dealing with my shit. I sure didn't stop at him. And maybe it was nothing but this employee needs to learn what is acceptable and whats not.. calling him at 930.. TOTALLY NOT ACCEPTABLE.. and even if she sees the dealership burning down.. no need to call my husband.. hes not a fireman. I think he doesn't know how to really make things better right now either. It was awful all day.. I felt the miles between us. He kept talking and apologizing..and finally after my bath.. I went and laid in bed with him. For just a few minutes things felt normal again. So here I am and I am going to blog through the misery and just try for another good day. I prayed this morning before getting out of bed. You know what's funny. I haven't been in a Catholic Church since I was in 10th grade. And now I feel like I should go.. I should light a candle and pray. Scott can't believe I am talking about going. I pretty much gave up organized religion a long time ago but I feel its calling me back. I also should say that my mom and Shanna have been nothing but loving and supportive to me. As has my sister in law Trina. They have all been a witness to our summer of hell and I'm pretty sure they are all surprised at how much we have been through. They have held me up with love and support for many days now. I would be lost without them. I do feel loved. I feel honored for such great family, friends and bloggy friends. Your emails have truly touched my heart. I don't think I am quiet ready to destroy my marriage over a phone call or text..so hopefully on to a better day. Blogging is normal for me... I am just going to fake it till I make it. Late last night things got a little better with Scott and I. He hugged me and told me that he does want to spend the rest of his life with me. Honestly..I needed to hear that and the hug felt pretty good too.
Today I am spending some of the day cleaning.. then I plan on running some errands and spending some time with Brittany.. and probably the YMCA in the evening with Scott. I think we are all desperately wanting things to be normal again.. so that's what I am going to try for. Just a normal day.
xoxo
Talk to you soon.
K Jaggers
♥
You are so normal Kisha. It sucks that you're going through crap, but you're human. Your husband is human. We all have ups and downs in life, and relationships are full of shit sometimes. The ones who wish for the "charmed life" are the ones that can't deal. They can't accept their alternate reality to come crashing back to earth. But that isn't you. Ever since I saw the first video of you & your Daytimer I could tell, this chick is cool. I subscribed. You are so down to earth, and you seem like such force to be reckoned with that I think you'll definitely get past this stuff. You know this blog really helps ME on the days that my hubby & I argue, the kids don't listen, the dogs get on my nerves, the housework is just too much, I turn to you sometimes! Love & Respect from Austin TX....Monica :)
ReplyDeleteThis was one of the nicest comments ever. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am glad this blog is a place you turn to when needing a little break. Life is so complicated and its a struggle but the good times make the hard times worth it for me. But this summer has been one of the worst in my life.. its going to take a while to shake it all off. But hopefully better times are ahead! :)
Delete