MARRIED LIFE.. The SECRET

I have been in a relationship with Scott now for about 8 years. I think we were together for less than a month before I told him that I was falling in love with him. From that moment on our lives together has seen its share of happy times, hurt times, angry times.. everything that a real relationship goes through.

People will tell you that COMMUNICATION is the main thing that will keep a marriage strong. While I do agree that communication is huge, there is something even bigger that is more important..

FORGIVENESS

I have been totally blessed with Scott that I haven't had any big things to really forgive. Well.. maybe a couple but nothing like infidelity or anything like that. But for all of us in relationships, things get under our skins. Not forgiving has the power to destroy a marriage and lead you to divorce fast!!

Forgiveness keeps the negativity, the grudges, and resentments out of your marriage. Forgiveness really means

LETTING GO THAT THE PAST COULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT

It also means letting go of the hurt, the bad feelings, the offense. But it does not justify the wrong doing. Its simply being able to move on past it.

The reason this is the topic for this week is Scott. The other night when Scott and I were Christmas shopping, we pulled into Wendy's and when we got out of the car he made a comment. A comment that I had never heard him say. It truly shocked me and I am not shocked easily. When he got back in the car, I asked him about it and he blew it off with saying..

" I was just kidding "

Yea ok.. I sure didn't take it that way. Since that night, it has weighed heavily on my mind. I told him I was going to post what he said on here.. and he smiled and said I better not! So that's the reason you are not getting the full story but he really upset me.

Well, instead of carrying that around like a pound of bricks, I decided to just forgive him and let it go.

See all relationships follow the pattern of messing up and forgiveness.. very often, most times daily. This is what makes our relationships stronger. There are many couples who communicate great. Such as my husband. He is a talker. I can talk to him any time about what's going on with us or what I am upset about but if that is where it ends, you are in trouble. Because, if you just express your feelings only and listen to them express their feelings that isn't going to take away hurt feelings or resesment.. What does that is only FORGIVENESS.

John Gottman, a marriage therapist and researcher observes that the healthiest couples tend to see problems as temporary. Rather than dwell on the troubles, happy couples look for the good, dwell on it, and believe it to be the core of their relationship. He encourages us to "find the glory in our marital story."

Of course forgiveness does not mean tolerating bad behavior. No one should have to be abused. If a person is regularly abused in a relationship, that person should seek counsel and may need to leave the relationship.

I am mainly talking day to day life. The little things that some people hold on to and dwell on. If you can't forgive, you can't have a marriage that will last. It won't happen. I am sure Scott has forgiven me for all the shit I do and the same goes for me forgiving him. Its part of our relationship. It's not always easy either but its what has kept us together more than communication. Learning how to forgive is not only the key to success in your love life but your family life too. In love relationships it is an absolute necessity, because heartache is inevitable when you have someone you are investing everything in. When we are in love with someone we open our hearts and become emotionally vulnerable. Even one unguarded or unkind word from our husband or wife can cause a great wound to our hearts.Its simple, if you don’t want a broken heart, don’t love.

However, if you want the marriage you’ve always dreamed of, learning how to forgive is indispensable. This is a marriage post but think about your parents and how many times they had to forgive you. Or how you have had to forgive your brother or sister.. same thing as marriage. Its vital to any long term relationship.

So I ask you.. Do you forgive?

I suck at it sometimes. I really do. Its not easy for me to get past certain things but I am trying to get better.

K Jaggers

♥