IN NEED OF...{ ALONE TIME }

YOU SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO BE BY YOURSELF, SETTLE YOURSELF AND JUST TAKE A LITTLE VACATION IN YOUR HEAD. .

TONIGHT DIDNT GO AS PLANNED..I WAS ALONE ALL DAY...WHICH I LOVED..I GOT A LOT DONE..HOWEVER, I DOUBT ANYONE COULD TELL...BUT I DID DO A LOT AROUND HERE AND ENJOYED THE DAY TO MYSELF BUT ONCE THE HOUSE FILLED UP WITH EVERYONE, THE NIGHT WENT TO HELL..SCOTT UPSET ME AT DINNER, SO I GOT UP AND WALKED OUT. HE KNOWS BETTER THAN TO DO THAT.. AND HE KNOWS BETTER THAN TO ACT THAT WAY AROUND OTHER PEOPLE..BUT HE DID ANYWAY..THEN I GO INTO THE BEDROOM ALONE, LOCK THE DOOR AND SIT IN THE QUIET ROOM ONLY FOR HIM TO BRAKE IN AND WANT TO TALK..ONCE HE REALIZED THAT WASNT HAPPENING, HE TOOK A SHOWER AND WE BOTH DOZED OFF ON THE BED AFTER HE GOT OUT. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I GUESS I MADE DINNER FOR EVERYONE BUT ME TONIGHT. =(..THAT SURE DOESNT MAKE ME WANT TO COOK ANYMORE..

IT REALLY WASNT A BIG DEAL..BUT IT STILL BOTHERED ME..I THINK REALLY A LOT OF THE STRESS IS JUST TO BE EXPECTED RIGHT NOW. I AM DOING MY BEST TO GET ALONG WITH EVERYONE AND FOR THE MOST PART I THINK I AM DOING PRETTY GOOD AT IT. SOON, IT WILL BE JUST THE 3 OF US AGAIN.. I GOT USE TO THAT THEN IT BECAME THE 4 OF US AND BEFORE I REALLY GOT ADJUSTED TO THAT IT BECAME THE 5 OF US.. ~ DEEP BREATH ~.. I AM NOT A MEAN PERSON, I DONT FEEL GOOD WHEN I AM BICKERING WITH SCOTT. BUT ITS OK..WE HAVE A PRETTY STABLE RELATIONSHIP AND I AM SURE THAT OUR LOVE WILL CONTINUE TO GROW AS IT HAS OVER THE MANY YEARS. BUT TONIGHT I JUST WANTED TO SCREAM.. I HAD NO WHERE PRIVATE TO GO..MY BEDROOM IS BEING USED, MICHAEL AND COURTNEY WAS IN THE LIVING ROOM AND SCOTT FOLLOWED ME TO THE BEDROOM..I REALLY JUST WANTED TO GO OUT AND SIT SOME WHERE AND READ OR HIDE IN THE GARAGE ( IF IT WASNT SO COLD OUT THERE )..BUT BY 9 THE HOUSE WAS QUITE AND I WAS ABLE TO BE ALONE IN A LONG BUBBLE BATH AND THE LIVING ROOM WAS EMPTY..SO THATS WHERE I AM NOW..AND ITS PEACEFUL..WHICH IS MUCH NEEDED..

SCOTT DOES A LOT FOR ME. I AM TRULY GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF IT. BUT WHEN HE GETS MAD HE DOES REMIND ME OF THAT AND THAT ONLY HURTS MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I DONT WANT HIM DOING EVERYTHING FOR ME. I LOVE IT, I REALLY DO BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD SOMETIMES..JUST LIKE TONIGHT HE BROUGHT ME IN THIS SUPER NICE PEN THAT ONE OF THE BANKS HE USES GAVE HIM. I KNOW HE WANTS IT BUT HE GAVE IT TO ME. I THOUGHT ABOUT GIVING IT BACK, BUT I LOVE IT..I MIGHT GIVE IT BACK ANYWAY, JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT. I HAVE A LOT OF NICE PENS AND I CAN LIVE WITHOUT THIS ONE. I GUESS I JUST FEEL GUILTY OF ALL HIS GENEROSITY..THINGS LIKE THIS REALLY DOES MAKE ME THINK THAT I DONT DESERVE HIM. I HAVE ALWAYS SAID I AM LIVING A LIFE THAT I DONT DESERVE AND I THINK HE PRETTY MUCH TOLD ME THAT TONIGHT. I WONDER IF ITS BECAUSE HES A GREAT HUSBAND OR IF ITS BECAUSE I AM THAT NEEDY.. I NEVER THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS NEEDY OR DEMANDING..BUT MAYBE I AM..THAT IS YET TO BE FIGURED OUT BY MYSELF..I DONT WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE WIVES THAT COMPLAIN ALL TIME EVEN THOUGH MY HUSBAND SURE CAN BE A COMPLAINER AT TIMES! LOL..BUT..NO JOKE.. I LOVE HIM DEARLY EVEN WHEN I AM MAD AT HIM!!!

ANYWAY, I THOUGHT TODAY WAS GOING GOOD.. BUT I GUESS IT WAS JUST A DAY I WASNT SUPPOSE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE..MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE READ MY HOROSCOPE FIRST THING I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS! I WONDER IF I UPSET MICHAEL OR COURTNEY...WHO KNOWS..I PROBABLY DID..BUT I SURE WASNT TRYING TO..BUT TONIGHT SURE SEEMED LIKE A NIGHT I WASNT TOO GOOD AT HAVING FACE TIME WITH ANYONE..

HOWEVER ONE OF MY ALL TIME BEST FRIENDS IN THE IS WORLD..S.B. SURE MADE ME LAUGH AFTERWARDS..SHE ALWAYS KNOWS HOW TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER..IF PEOPLE ACTUALLY KNEW SOME OF THE THINGS WE TALKED ABOUT, THEY WOULD JUST DIE..SO THANK YOU SWEET HEART FOR MAKING MY NIGHT A LITTLE BETTER. I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU TO BRIGHTEN UP MY DARK MOMENTS..YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND THAT I DONT KNOW IF I COULD EVER LIVE OUT...WE ARE GOING TO GROW OLD TOGETHER..HELL, WE ALREADY ARE GETTING OLD!! BUT I LOVE YOU AND I APPRECIATE YOU PUTTING UP WITH ME FOR THIS MANY YEARS! BTW..YOU KNOW WE COULD WRITE ONE HELL OF A BOOK ABOUT OUR LIVES AND I GUARANTEE IT WOULD BE A BEST SELLER..GUARANTEED!!!!!

SO NOW I AM GOING TO LAY BACK AND WATCH STEP UP 3 AND ALMOST TAKE A LITTLE MINI VACATION WITHOUT THE STRESS AND THOUGHTS OF LIFE..KINDA ESCAPING FOR A LITTLE WHILE.. I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL THAT I DONT JACK UP THE TV TOO HIGH AND WAKE UP THE ENTIRE HOUSE, OR THAT WILL REALLY SCREW UP MY QUIET TIME..AND GOD KNOWS I DONT WANT THAT HAPPENING!

HOPEFULLY TOMORROW I WILL WAKE UP FEELING BETTER AND NOT HAVE THE SAME ISSUES GOING ON THAT I HAD TODAY.

OH...AND MY CATS ARE ACTUALLY FIGHTING TONIGHT..AND ITS MY LITTLE FEMALE GABBY THAT IS STARTING MOST OF IT...THEY HAVE REALLY BEEN GOING AT IT.. I HAVE HAD TO BREAK THEM UP A COUPLE TIMES..GABBY BITES OFF MORE THAN SHE CAN HANDLE SOMETIMES..BUT I AM THERE TO HELP HER!

ANYWAY, HAVE A GREAT NIGHT..

I WILL TALK TO YOU GUYS TOMORROW..

K JAGGERS

♥