EMOTIONAL DAY

IT SURE HAS BEEN AN EMOTIONALLY HARD DAY..I WAS GOING TO BLOG EARLIER BUT I REALLY NEEDED TO FOCUS ON KEEPING MYSELF FROM BEING MORE UPSET THAN WHAT I ALREADY AM. ITS TERRIBLE BEING HERE WITHOUT THE KIDS.

WE GOT THE KIDS RETURNED TO THEIR FATHER AND CAME HOME..I RAN RIGHT UP TO THE SHOWER AND I THINK I FILLED THE BATH TUB WITH MORE TEARS THAN WATER. I NEEDED TO JUST ESCAPE FOR A WHILE. I WAS REALLY CRYING HARD WHEN WE PULLED UP IN THE DRIVE WAY. SCOTT WAS TRYING TO BE AS CARING AS HE COULD BUT THERE IS NOT MUCH HE COULD SAY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER. I THEN HEADED OUT TO DO A LITTLE SHOPPING HOPING IT WOULD HELP..IT KINDA DID BUT AS I WAS CHECKING OUT I SAW THE KIDS FAVORITE CANDY AND BEFORE I COULD SWIPE MY DEBIT CARD, I WAS BACK TO CRYING..I AM SURE THE GUY CHECKING ME OUT THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY. BUT I MADE IT BACK HOME AND STARTED CLEANING UP THE HOUSE..I REALLY JUST WANTED TO LAY IN BED AND DO NOTHING BUT THAT WOULD HAVE ONLY MADE ME WORSE. ITS NO SECRET THAT I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH DEPRESSION FOR MANY YEARS SO I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER AND MAKE MYSELF DO SOMETHING. SO THE A LOT OF THE HOUSE GOT CLEANED BUT I LEFT THE KIDS ROOMS ALONE WITH THE DOORS SHUT. I THOUGHT IT WAS A BAD IDEA TO GO IN THERE TODAY AND CLEAN. SO MAYBE TOMORROW I WILL GET THEM DONE. IF NOT, I WILL GET THEM DONE IN A FEW DAYS.

I MADE DINNER FOR SCOTT AND I AND WE WATCHED...

IT WAS PRETTY GOOD. IT KEPT ME INTERESTED HOWEVER I DID DOZE OFF FOR A FEW MINUTES BUT I WAS ABLE TO CATCH UP REALLY FAST ON WHAT I HAD MISSED. BUT IT SURPRISED ME AT THE END..

I ALSO FORGOT TO TELL YOU GUYS ABOUT ANOTHER MOVIE I WATCHED FRIDAY.

ITS HARD TO READ FROM THE BAD PICTURE ABOVE BUT ITS THE LAST STATION. IT WAS A MOVIE BASED IN THE 1800'S ABOUT LEO TOLSTOYS LIFE. FOR YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW HE WAS A VERY FAMOUS AUTHOR WHO WROTE MANY THINGS INCLUDING WAR AND PEACE. HELEN MIRREN PLAYED HIS WIFE AND DID A GREAT JOB AS ALWAYS. I REALLY ENJOYED THIS MOVIE. THEIR LOVE AFFAIR TOGETHER LASTED 48 YEARS..THIS MOVIE IS MAINLY ABOUT THEM AND ALSO THE FIGHT OVER THE RIGHTS TO HIS WORKS. THIS MOVIE WAS MUCH BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE..

ANYWAY..

THE HOUSE IS SO QUITE THAT ITS KINDA SCARY. I HAVE MOVIES OF THE KIDS I MIGHT PUT ON BUT I THINK IT WOULD JUST BREAK MY HEART TO SEE THEM ACTING SILLY IN A MOVIE. BUT THE SOUND OF THEIR LAUGHTER AND EVEN OF THEIR FIGHTING WOULD MAKE THINGS SEEM NORMAL AROUND HERE. I TALKED TO THEM ABOUT 9 PM AND THEY BOTH WERE DOING FINE. THEY ARE HAPPY TO BE AROUND THEIR OTHER DOG AND EXCITED TO START SCHOOL AGAIN. BUT BRITTANY HAS HAD JUST AS MUCH TROUBLE AS I HAVE WITH THIS SITUATION. SHE HAS CRIED JUST AS MUCH AS I HAVE. BUT WE HAVE TO BE STRONG AND REMEMBER THAT THIS IS NOT GOOD BYE FOREVER..BUT JUST GOOD BYE FOR A LITTLE WHILE. WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN AS SOON AS WE CAN.

SCOTT HAS TO WORK LATE AND GO TO BASE BALL TOMORROW NIGHT. I DOUBT I WILL BE IN THE MOOD TO GO WATCH SO ITS GOING TO BE A LONG LONELY DAY. WHO KNOWS WHAT I WILL DO WITH ALL MY TIME. I HAVE SOME ERRANDS TO RUN AND I ALSO NEED TO TAKE THAT UNDERWATER CAMERA TO GET DEVELOPED. I AM HOPING A LOT OF THE PICTURES TURNED OUT GOOD. ITS HARD TO KNOW WHEN ITS NOT DIGITAL. BUT LAST TIME WE GOT A REALLY GOOD PICTURE OF JACKSON UNDER WATER SO HOPEFULLY WE GOT MORE!

ITS STRANGE..I THINK THE CATS KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN SAD ALL DAY. THEY HAVE REALLY NOT LEFT MY SIDE SINCE WE HAVE GOT BACK. I HAVE CARRIED ON FULL CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM. ITS ACTUALLY KINDA HELPED. THEY ARE MY FURRY KIDS AND THEY HAVE BEEN THERE SHOWING ME LOVE WHEN I HAVE BEEN REALLY SAD. ITS AMAZING HOW ANIMALS CAN SENSE THAT IN PEOPLE. BUT I AM GRATEFUL FOR THEIR COMPANY. IT HAS HELPED.

AND SCOTT HAS TRIED TO NOT UPSET ME BUT ALSO GIVE ME THE SPACE I NEED. HE HAS TRIED BEING FUNNY BUT I HAVE FOUND VERY LITTLE TO LAUGH AT. BUT I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR HIM BEING HERE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER TOO. I THINK IT WILL JUST TAKE SOME TIME TO ADJUST. ITS JUST AN OPEN WOUND RIGHT NOW AND I HAVE TO TAKE TIME TO HEAL. LIKE I SAID I JUST HAVE TO STAY BUSY. I HAVE TONS OF PICTURES TO UPLOAD ON HERE. I MIGHT JUST GO TO THE LIBRARY AND TAKE MY LAPTOP WHERE IT IS QUITE AND WHERE I GET A GOOD SIGNAL TO POST THEM. I WILL TRY IN THE COMING DAYS AND WEEKS TO GET THEM UP ON HERE. I WANT THEM ALL SAVED ONLINE JUST IN CASE SOMETHING HAPPENS TO MY LAPTOP. I DONT SAVE MEMORY CARDS..INSTEAD I LOAD ALL THE IMPORTANT ONES ONTO FACE BOOK OR HERE SO THEY ARE ALL SAVED NO MATTER WHAT. ITS REALLY GREAT FOR PRESERVING PICTURES. THEY WILL BE THERE FOREVER.

WELL I AM OFF TO WORK ON LAUNDRY FOR A BIT AND THEN GET READY TO GO TO SLEEP. I AM REALLY TIRED. THIS DAY NEEDS TO END SO I CAN HAVE A FRESH ONE TOMORROW. I JUST PRAY ITS A LITTLE EASIER.

HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT WEEKEND WITH YOUR FAMILY.

K JAGGERS

♥