Growth & Change

Hi everyone. It's been a long while since we were together. It's been almost a month and a half since I have been here on this blog. So much has happened. So much has changed. First off there are a few updates on my youtube channel plus a little food haul that you can check out if you haven't already. Subscribe while you are there as well! ;)

I don't really even know where to start. At this point I am fully divorced. It certainly happened fast. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. I think anger carried me through that process. I still think that he single handedly destroyed our family without a second thought. I found out that I am stronger than I thought I was. I am doing just fine. And I am actually happier without all the drama and problems that came with being married to him. I really don't want him, my divorce, our past and or present issues to be in the forefront of everything. Its been over a month since I have opened this laptop. I have thought a hundred times how I wanted to handle my blog...youtube...all the social media. Well, I love this blog. I always have. Unlike my ex husband is has never left or hurt me. It's been a place of peace and pleasure both. I am not giving it up. I thought I would remove everything with him in but thinking about it now, its more of a public service to any woman that happens to google him. Maybe it will help/save someone else from the pain I have went through.

Through the pain, there has been a few shining lights helping lead the way for me. My best friend Shanna, my first love, Russell, my kids, my cousins, Laura, my mom have all been there for me. They have helped me figure out so many things. Life hasn't been all gloomy and sad because of them. They all have been amazing. But as I have been trying to figure out this new transition, my grandmother's health went down super fast and we lost her just a couple days ago. I honestly thought she might get better. Tomorrow is the viewing and while it will probably be one of the hardest days of my life I plan on standing strong and honoring her life. Our family will miss her so much. She was one of my best friends. We use to talk 4 or 5 times a day until she got sick. Then it all changed. But she is one of the reasons I came home as well. I just thought we would all have more time with her. Its truly heart breaking.


So a divorce and a death for me this month. While laying in bed crying seems like a reasonable thing to do, life isn't allowing that. I have so much going on. There is so much I want to share with you. Thank you to everyone that has stuck by me and not given up. Things are going in a new direction and I am excited about the future. I truly am. I haven't acted the best. I am upset by the constant bullshit of my sister in law. Not even Scott. But I think it reflects on who she is. I need to work on myself. Ask forgiveness for the mean thoughts and words I have spoken against that family and pray for them. I am done giving them any kind of power over me. Life is so much better; that my focus needs to be only moving forward. I have taken lots of deep breaths, trying to center myself and see things in a different way. I am angry at the entire planned out act of betrayal from Scott and her included. And that anger has gotten me pretty far in this divorce process. But now it's time to climb the mountain instead of carry the mountain. I need to let it all go and focus on all the good still in my life. All the blessings that have been sent my way. All the love given to me from family and friends.

As for youtube, I am keeping all the videos up and I hope to get back on schedule sometime in the very near future. I don't know exactly what direction it will go in but I think it will just be a hodgepodge of videos from vlogs, hauls, reviews, planner videos... just random stuff that I do.

I have a bunch of things coming up....

:: Get through Grandma's Service these next few days.
:: Find an apartment. I am currently living out in the country in a large RV. Grateful but ready to find a little apartment or house.
:: Apply for other jobs in area. Want to find a better job with better insurance.
:: Bath Gabby
:: Start working on reviews. Need to take lots of photos and just do it.
:: Clean up files on this laptop.
:: Take kids on a picnic sometime over the weekend.
:: Call about SUV I'm interested in. Who knows...I might just be able to make it happen. But I also have to take a drivers test to get my license back. Study...study...study.
:: Make a video really soon and get it uploaded. I think it will just be another update kind of video. However, I also want to film a planner update soon too.
:: Buy some kind of plant for the RV. It needs some plants around here.
:: Continue evening walks with Russell. They are great for clearing the mind and relaxing.
:: Order new fitbit charger. I have no idea where mine went...and I am going crazy without it. All those steps NOT COUNTED. Grrrrrrrrrrr!
:: Buy new phone. I dropped and shattered my phone. Its working but barely. This time I will get the case that will help protect it. Lesson learned.
:: Drink more water. Something I suck at.
:: Finally upload photos from all phones to laptop. Start working on a vlog.
:: Get to PO Box and check mail.
:: Do a load of laundry...towels.
:: Flat iron hair tonight so it's easier in the morning.

I know this post has been long. There are a ton of questions I know you guys want answered. I will start working on a blog post answering the more basic ones and then maybe do a video later. Thankyou guys for coming back...being patient with me. Your support has meant so much. There have been so many emails, comments, messages that I will never be able to respond to. I have really tried but at this point we are starting fresh. I don't want to feel overwhelmed. So even with all the hard things going on this September, we are moving forward. There is no other way. I am growing everyday from all these experiences. Even the hardest of times are teaching me the strongest lessons. Life is beautiful. I need to start honoring it more. And getting rid of the negative is a good start. I love new beginnings....fresh starts.....new weeks. So here I go and I hope you come with me.I love you guys. Thanks for stopping by. I promise to see you soon. xx