Good afternoon friends. I hope you are having a wonderful Sunday. I am struggling today because its wet and cold outside...making it cold inside. Scott oddly had to work today for a few hours due to a big sale so I am just taking my time today with everything. I need to go get a bunch of firewood from outside before it gets any wetter because it's only going to get cooler today.
So this past week, I have been really trying to still come back to some kind of normality. Finding a life with more grace is not an easy path. I had the house back to myself and trying my best to get back on a schedule. I feel like I have really started a true journey of finding a balanced more meaningful life working on it day by day. I am tired of challenges and disappointments but those days are going to come no matter what. So I am learning to not actually look for those days any longer...because they will show up. Instead I am keeping my mind on the present moment and trying to focus more of time on happiness. I have to admit that my failures and mistakes have taught me the largest lessons of my life so far so I am actually trying to look at problems differently too. Being the natural worry wort I am, its been a challenge. I am seriously trying to transform from all those mistakes into a more positive kind of learning experience.
Slowly things have been changing. Scott and I are getting along better. Our family is becoming stronger and we are healing. Having a really hard September doesn't just go away. Instead we have to keep our focus on forgiveness and love. Lots of things about marriage bother me. I recently realized that I am don't work well as a team. I never have and not too long ago I started to understand that was a lot of my problem with marriage. It requires constant teamwork. Yea....coming from a girl who never played one sport or hardly ever worked in a team is a challenge. But I see that now and growing into a more team player for my husband and family. It boils down to self accountability. I can't wake up everyday finding someone to blame for my life or bad mood. I am only in charge of myself...no one else. However, I am a wife and mother and I have to learn to work harder at being more a team leader instead of a quiet loner. I will be a better wife and mother because of it. I know it now... and see things a little differently now.
One of my beautiful youtube subscribers leaving me a comment telling me to water my own grass because its never truly greener on the other side. Its where you water it and take of it, that matters. At first I thought that for my entire family. Just water our family down with love and respect. That has helped but really I have to water my own soul to truly make changes. Its crazy because I am having to teach my brain discipline in so many ways. When I start to worry and get upset....I have to constantly remind myself its just a bump...that's all. My trust issues are still around stronger than ever but I do know deep inside I am only in control of my own soul.....not the world around me. So I have to learn to remind myself to just breath and let it pass through me and not stay in me. And let me tell you, its not easy and its total work. I think each one of has a journey for our soul and we can't let our own mistakes and fears hold us back. That alone is what I am taking into next week to try to find my way to a more graceful life. I wish the same for you. ♥
Have a beautiful Sunday.
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