Bullies Create Bullies... a Mommy Post

[ I am adding this post under Theme Thursday with Theme Thursday with Something Clever 2.0 because its about our parenting styles and I feel this post shows exactly what my style is! ]

Oh boy you guys.. do I ever have a mommy post for you today. Its not an easy one either. Brittany.. my 11 year old is suspended today. Both my kids have got in trouble at school this year. Its insane. I need you to give you a quick back story about some of the the things leading up to this. And these are minor children I am talking about so I am not using real names besides my own children. 

Brittany has a little friend who was in the same class. The little girl was getting bullied.. badly. She ended up trying to kill herself. This is a 11 year old little girl. Her parents took her out of school and is trying to get her well. All thought this would calm things down. Well it didn't calm down. 

Thursday night the boy that my daughter likes sent her a forwarded conversation about her friend. Its awful.. written by another 11 year old little girl. And here it is.. I did blur out the names..

Well Brittany was feeling bad that night and went to bed early. I talked to her as she was walking down out the door in the morning and she seemed fine. Well she went to school and told the boy that she likes that if she sees the girl who sent the messages she was going to punch her in the face. He goes and tells everyone he knows.. and then they all get pulled into the office. Some how facebook is brought up and she has the 3 kids pull their facebook accounts up. With a quick look it shows all the kids going back and forth with mean comments and status updates. The principle informed Brittany that threatening to hit someone gets her 1 day in school suspension and 1 day out of school. She goes straight to in school suspension and my ex husband is called. Then I get the frantic call. So after an hour of listening and talking to him.. I call Brittany.. at school. We have a really long conversation and she tells me the truth about what happened. I assured her that we would get through this but she was in trouble. She was crying.  I also told her that she better know that facebook is over.. twitter and all the others are over too. I had to pretty much beg her dad to not bust up the computer in the front yard. At this point we hang up and I start going through her facebook messages like a crazy stalker and found that phone conversation above. 

So back on the phone with my ex husband because it shows they are still bothering Brittanys little friend who just got out of the hospital. It also shows why Brittany was so upset that she would say something like that.. and really feel like doing something such as punching her in the face. So he is heading into the school with the message. I told him that the parents of the little girl should have a copy of that so it can assist them in any kind of restraining order or what ever actions they are taking. And the school should see it being they said over and over this had nothing to do with bullying. 

So lets run through a few thoughts. 

* Brittany is an A/B Honor Roll Student who has never been in trouble at school before. 

* Brittany has been dealing with this situation for weeks and was even instructed by my mom that she should go talk to the principle. 

* Brittany is as tiny as can be.. if she was in a fight she could have been really hurt. Also she does not have the life experience/wisdom/maturity to handle a situation of this on her own. 

* This goes on her school record forever. 

* She is a cheer leader and if she plans on continuing it.. she has to stay out of trouble. 

* But we also knew her ♥ was in the right place. 

When I talked to Brittany after she got home she informed me that she was in the in school suspension with the boy she liked and they even let her out early to cheer. WTF?  Put the 2 little love birds together in a room all day.. and then let her out early to cheer even though she is suspended on Monday? Is it just me.. but that just doesn't sound right. 

When I asked Brittany about it, she said.. 

" I am the one they throw around in the air mom.. they needed me. "

Shit.. that arrogance in its finest form. And that is such a screwed mixed message from the school. 

Brittany was walking home from the bus stop talking to me on the phone scared to go see what her dad had to say. She knew that they had called him but they had not spoke. She finally said.. 

" I am standing in front of the house.. do I have to go in? " 

I said.. 

" Where else are you going to go? You have to go in and face it. " 

Brittany

She is crying at this point.. " What is he going to do to me?  "

Me

" Well hes not going whip you or anything."

We hung up and I let her deal with him. He lectured her for a good 2 hours.. grounded her from all internet, text messages, and social media. I had to back him up because for a while now I have felt that her facebook manners were fading. 

The boy she likes sent Brittany a message and I am monitoring her fb account. So we talk back and forth and he is a total smart ass.

He de-activates his account seconds later. So a friend and I track down his mom and I send her a polite message saying we should talk. She calls the next afternoon. She was kind.. and told me.. 

* My son has been in trouble for years. Hes really cute and the class clown. He's always getting into trouble. 

* She said since he didn't miss any school.. he wasn't really in trouble. She has 3 boys and a girl and this is just not that serious. 

* That Stephen is not dating Brittany.. they are just friends.. he is dating someone else. 

The conversation was short and I just listened in shock. First off.. Brittany not dating him.. NO SHIT. Brittany is 11 and she doesn't date. Second.. he did get into trouble in my eyes.. but I am not judging her.. she has her hands full. She also told me she didn't know much about it.. The school had left some voice mail on her phone and she didn't listen to it yet. I expected something different but thats what I got. 

So now back to Brittany. 

She still needs to learn...

* Don't let your angry emotions take over. She has to learn to control herself better. 

* Don't make threats unless she is prepared to follow through. 

* Fighting is unacceptable.. under all circumstances unless she is protecting herself. 

* She also needs to understand schools are much more dangerous now and they take everything very serious .. she can't threaten anyone. 

* She could have got hurt and possibly expelled if she had got into a fight. 

* She will also be writing sentences and letters...just as Jackson did. 

I also had a talk with her about Stephen. First off.. he ran his mouth about what she said for 1 or 2 reasons..

1. Because he wanted to see her get into a fight.

2. Because he wanted to see her get into trouble. 

I also explained the conversation to Brittany. I basically told her that Stephen might be a nice and fun guy most of the time but he is not going to be someone who is important in her life. And that I totally respect his parents, I don't think that my daughter needs to be around them. That is not the kind of family I want my either of my children around. No. I want a family that takes things with their kids a little more serious.. and I don't want a mom of a 11 yr old who thinks its ok for him to date. It might be a very nice family but not for us. 

Then I further explained that to Brittany that she basically became a bully herself to handle another bully. That in a second her judgement went from kind and loving little girl to stooping to that low level where she herself was being a bully.  She has no right to threaten anyone..so that is lesson was not easy for her to hear either.. but its the truth. She said she didn't mean it but it came out of her mouth so she is responsible for it. 

And lets go over those text messages again.. 

Can you freaking believe that a 11 year old sent these messages?? God.. kids are so evil. And my ex husband took this to the Brittanys school today.. even though she was suspended. There position is... this was still not a bullying incident because the little girl who was bullied is no longer at that school. That the bullys did this on their own person time and its not a school issue. Well these text are floating all over Brittany's School... and there are many more so I do think it is a school issue. My ex husband said he thought they were blowing it off. They did tell him that the police have been notified by the other little girls parents so they are handling it. He said he is going to contact her parents via Brittanys facebook and ask if they want a copy. That school is sending out so many mixed messages. Doesn't seem to me that they know what they are doing.. and I am judging that. 

Tossing both kids in the in school suspension so they could have a day together.. alone in class was stupid.. they loved it.

Letting Brittany out for cheer sends a very mixed message.

Did they even have a right asking the kids for their fb passwords? I am thinking NOT. 

Not taking the text messages serious when all the kids are looking at them and passing them around in the hallways. This is a school problem. Its also a criminal problem. 

If I ever caught either of my kids speaking like that I would seriously never let them have a phone again for YEARS.. or any computer device. I would flip out.. yet this girl just keeps doing it. I hope she is held accountable for her actions because this is insane  Its so easy to forget that all of us are human. Why is that? Doesn't she realize what she is doing to another soul?? I don't even whip my kids but if they sent out a message like that it would be hard to restrain myself from beating their asses. 

We are all proud of Brittany for sticking up for her friend. But she can never allow herself to become someone she isn't to handle any situation. She wasn't equiped to handle this herself. She needed adult help and when she got that message her father and I both should have been notified. 

Today she is was at home.. wrote her letters of apology and tomorrow I am sure is going to be full of drama. All the kids are talking about it.. I am monitoring her fb page and she is getting message after message about what is happening. But she can't go to school and say what happened so she better just put her head down and focus on her work.. otherwise she could get right back in trouble again. 

My kids are not only learning lesson after lesson.. I also am learning too. I am having to handle things right so she will. God knows I have a few thoughts that are not so kind and sweet but again the goal is.. 

To make little people

 GOOD big people.

Hopefully she has learned the lessons of this experience and now can move on to the next lesson. 

Woooo- kids are exhausting! 

K Jaggers

♥