So the past week I have been going through a lot of my journals.. looking for what to say this week about marriage. I was at a loss. I even emailed a good friend of mine and told her I don't think I know anything about marriage at this point. It was not a good day to say the least. All I knew at that point.. is marriage is hard work, emotional, confusing, and complicated. So the first part of this post is a guest post that I found online a while back that I thought was some really good ways to get that loving feeling back in your marriage again. We all get lazy sometimes in our marriages. Right now, I am dealing with Scott being the lazy one when it comes to us. I think he has a lot on his mind.. and to be very honest.. very comfortable in this life of ours and his efforts are falling short. So it is my intentions to get a little more romance back in our lives, so we don't have just the mundane boring nights around the house..
[ To read this post in full be sure to click the READ MORE link on the left! ]
[ To read this post in full be sure to click the READ MORE link on the left! ]
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Ten simple ways to fall in love, again:
1. Enjoy memories. We know that our emotions are connected to thoughts, so when we reflect on good, happy memories we recreate the emotions and feelings in our body/mind that went along with the experience. Our great feelings are associated with those we shared the experiences, so while we don't want to live in the past, enjoying our memories together is a simple way to enjoy our partners.
2. Plan for the future and share your dreams. Having something to look forward to is one of the keys to living a happy life. We humans seem to need goals, dreams, hope, and a purpose. Without them we tend to get stuck; life may seem boring or purposeless. When we share our dreams, work toward our goals and envision a future with our partner, we tend to work toward this future. Again, this doesn't mean we don't live in the present and enjoy the moment, it just means we hold our dreams in our hearts.
3. Live in the present. Of course this comes next. Enjoy the moment. Take each second of beauty and expand it, bask in it, allow it to fill your soul. Don't let even one minute of joy, laughter, or pleasure be taken for granted. Allow yourself to treasure the time you have with your partner; look for those moments of quiet peace, or vibrant joy, or wild excitement. If they are few and far between, make more of them!
4. Demonstrate appreciation. Show your partner you care. Tell your spouse you love him. Do everything you can to make sure your beloved knows (doesn't have to guess), that you adore and cherish her. Don't assume they know and don't think that because you mentioned it a few years ago they remember.
5. Look for the good in your partner. Remember when you first met? You saw nothing wrong with your significant other. She was fabulous; he was perfect. Of course in time we tend to see a little more of each other and that impression may fade just a tad so consciously find (not just look) for the great qualities and traits of your mate. Don't just come up with a thing or two, how about write down a hundred wonderful things about your partner, then share it!
6. Engage in new activities. Humans tend to thrive on new experiences. There is something innate in us where we want to learn, grow, and expand our knowledge, understanding, or talents. It seems to me that we often get into ruts with our partners, doing the same things over and over again when one of the great ways to get out of the rut and to put some vibrancy into the relationship is to get out and do something new. Try something really unusual, or out of the ordinary for a change!
7. Have lots of fun. It is so much to laugh together. I'm thinking it is nearly impossible to not love those who make us laugh and those whose days we can brighten. Lighten up, find the humor in everything, and have lots of fun.
8. Work on projects together. Be a team! Find something that you and your partner can create together. When a couple is working in unison to bring forth something beneficial to their family, their neighborhood, their community, the world, or even animals, they can create a bond that is incredibly powerful. When working toward an important goal, we tend to see the greatness in each other, find ways to support one another, and have a deeper sense of the importance and strength of the relationship.
9. Remember what is truly important in life. Think about what is important in the long term, not what will give you a moment of pleasure. Reflect on how you want your life to be remembered when you are ninety years old. Ponder what you truly value in life. Remind yourself of your core personal values or morals. It might be that you move from wanting more excitement in your life right now to holding a desire for true and lifelong devotion and love.
10. Give attention and support your beloved. It sounds strange but we know that the more we give, care, or serve another the more we love them; NOT the more they love us but the more we love them. We love those to whom we give love and care and attention and service. The more you give the more you love.
1. Enjoy memories. We know that our emotions are connected to thoughts, so when we reflect on good, happy memories we recreate the emotions and feelings in our body/mind that went along with the experience. Our great feelings are associated with those we shared the experiences, so while we don't want to live in the past, enjoying our memories together is a simple way to enjoy our partners.
2. Plan for the future and share your dreams. Having something to look forward to is one of the keys to living a happy life. We humans seem to need goals, dreams, hope, and a purpose. Without them we tend to get stuck; life may seem boring or purposeless. When we share our dreams, work toward our goals and envision a future with our partner, we tend to work toward this future. Again, this doesn't mean we don't live in the present and enjoy the moment, it just means we hold our dreams in our hearts.
3. Live in the present. Of course this comes next. Enjoy the moment. Take each second of beauty and expand it, bask in it, allow it to fill your soul. Don't let even one minute of joy, laughter, or pleasure be taken for granted. Allow yourself to treasure the time you have with your partner; look for those moments of quiet peace, or vibrant joy, or wild excitement. If they are few and far between, make more of them!
4. Demonstrate appreciation. Show your partner you care. Tell your spouse you love him. Do everything you can to make sure your beloved knows (doesn't have to guess), that you adore and cherish her. Don't assume they know and don't think that because you mentioned it a few years ago they remember.
5. Look for the good in your partner. Remember when you first met? You saw nothing wrong with your significant other. She was fabulous; he was perfect. Of course in time we tend to see a little more of each other and that impression may fade just a tad so consciously find (not just look) for the great qualities and traits of your mate. Don't just come up with a thing or two, how about write down a hundred wonderful things about your partner, then share it!
6. Engage in new activities. Humans tend to thrive on new experiences. There is something innate in us where we want to learn, grow, and expand our knowledge, understanding, or talents. It seems to me that we often get into ruts with our partners, doing the same things over and over again when one of the great ways to get out of the rut and to put some vibrancy into the relationship is to get out and do something new. Try something really unusual, or out of the ordinary for a change!
7. Have lots of fun. It is so much to laugh together. I'm thinking it is nearly impossible to not love those who make us laugh and those whose days we can brighten. Lighten up, find the humor in everything, and have lots of fun.
8. Work on projects together. Be a team! Find something that you and your partner can create together. When a couple is working in unison to bring forth something beneficial to their family, their neighborhood, their community, the world, or even animals, they can create a bond that is incredibly powerful. When working toward an important goal, we tend to see the greatness in each other, find ways to support one another, and have a deeper sense of the importance and strength of the relationship.
9. Remember what is truly important in life. Think about what is important in the long term, not what will give you a moment of pleasure. Reflect on how you want your life to be remembered when you are ninety years old. Ponder what you truly value in life. Remind yourself of your core personal values or morals. It might be that you move from wanting more excitement in your life right now to holding a desire for true and lifelong devotion and love.
10. Give attention and support your beloved. It sounds strange but we know that the more we give, care, or serve another the more we love them; NOT the more they love us but the more we love them. We love those to whom we give love and care and attention and service. The more you give the more you love.
Don't give up. So long as you believe the relationship is worth saving, so long as you want the relationship to be healed I hold it as possible. Remember relationships are not the fantasy of perfect bliss for eternity. They are a dynamic process that may have some low and high moments; they have their struggles and challenges. The key to keeping the relationship alive is to move through the problems and not let them take over your life and your love!
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Now last night.. I was dealing with something that I have not really dealt with much but I know its a problem for us and I am betting its a problem for many other families too..
→ Electronic Overload ←
Most of us are ripping and running on a daily basis..leaving very little quiet time with our family when we do finally arrive home. I remember last summer, Brittany Belle was texting on her phone while we were trying to have a family dinner. I said something to her.. and I don't remember her exact response but she rolled her eyes at me.. and finally after some protest, put the phone away.
I don't know about you but hurt and anger are my stongest memories.. I can remember from the evening that I wanted desperately to toss that phone in the garbage and end the fight that way. I didn't do that. You guys know that my kids are in another state during the school year and I feel its important to be able to get a hold of both of them any time I want. But it really upset me. My family would have NEVER allowed me to text during a family dinner. My grandparents would have killed me over that.
Now on to last night..
Husby came home.. was starving.. had to wait on me to get dinner finished.. Of course we ate in front of the tv.. American Idol was on. Well, we ate... and while we were suppose to be watching that show together.. husby was non stop on his phone playing a game. Well.. maybe that shouldn't have upset me but it did. He wasn't doing anything wrong on the phone.. just playing some war game... but that was enough to get me..
So that has me thinking today.
I think a big part of families not connecting the way the should be is electronics. I am a blogger.. I blog in the evenings sometimes so I suppose I am guilty of it too at times. He hasn't raised too much concern about it but its time for a
in the Jaggers household.
[ I should say that neither of the guys really bring their phones to the dinner table. Micheal uses his phone all the time but respectful enough to not answer it or text while we are having dinner. And most of the time, Scott is pretty good about dinner time too.. unless of course, we are eating in the living room ]
Also this post/rant of mine is not just for the home either - more about that in a second..
Change # 1
Don’t bring it to the dinner table.
In our house we are all very heavy cell phone users. . I think what will work best is no phone calls during dinner. As I just said.. I don't think that will be a huge deal with anyone here because both guys are pretty respectful about not bringing them to the table. Instead.. I am opting to charge my phone and husbys phone during dinner. . Not only does it recharge our phones, but it also ensures that whenwe spend time with our family, it remains their time and not borrowed time between phone calls.
Change # 2
Don’t Answer the Phone.
Like every family nowadays our entire family is busy everyday. Even the kids in Indiana stay busy most days of the week. The only window of quiet time that we as a family can pretty routinely count on is Sunday late mornings and early afternoons. To get the most of this small window of quiet time I do not want us answering the phone before 5pm on Sundays.. I want it to start now and then continue it through the summer when the kids are here. It is a small thing, but it gives the family at least one chance to lounge around and hang out together – uninterrupted. This will not always be possible because there will be times when husby goes to play golf early and I will want to check in with him or of course if something very important is going on but its a change that is going to take effect starting this weekend.
Change # 3
Turn your cell phone on silent when you get home.
Unless you are on call, or you know an important call is coming at a specific time, try to turn your cell on silent when you walk in the house. I think by doing this, our family will know that regardless of whatever important things are going on, family remains the most important. I am betting when you take inventory of how many of those missed calls actually did not require immediate attention you will be shocked.
Change # 4
No Cell Phone Zone in Car
This is a little bit of a personal pet peeve for me. . When we are in the car , if one person is on the phone, then everyone else in the car becomes a hostage. The radio has to be turned down, the conversation that was occurring has to cease. It is annoying – did I mention this is a pet peeve of mine. By not taking calls while we are in the car together, we gain a few minutes where we can talk about life or just enjoy the ride together. This one will probably be the hardest for husby to deal with. I am sick of being in the car with him and having to listen to his conversations instead of having time to simply just be together.
Now, I know it sounds like just cell phone bitching but its not.. When I say phones.. I mean computers too. Scott works so many hours.. for that I am blessed because he has a wonderful work ethic. But with that work ethic brings less time for quality time together. I don't think it will matter much if I am not blogging for the couple of hours he is awake and home. I think the only way I can enforce any of those rules is to follow them myself.
So if you are a family member, a friend, a coworker.. try to be respectful of our time together. We both have young children who we will have to take calls from in the evenings but that is where it needs to stop. Scott is normally in bed by 10 pm.. maybe 11 pm at the latest so I can return calls after that point.
Now I am sure there will be exceptions as we try all these changes out.. But its only about engaging more with family than with electronics and technology. What does it mean to spend "quality time " with your spouse? "Technology seems to be killing the romance." Imagine curling up next to your spouse, wanting his or her full attention to talk about the day, vacation, weekend plans or life in general while he or she sits in front of the television and plays a lively game on the cell phone. Like the rest of society, many couples are relying more on electronic messaging to convey their thoughts, but there should be some etiquette boundaries between you, your spouse and your technology. That's all I am trying to do. Manage our " quality " time together so neither of us are feeling neglected. I think if we turn off the phones and computers and start doing a few of the ways above to get the romance around instead of being zoned out all the time will do wonders around here.
The bottom line is this: your actions are much more powerful than your words. Your message is perfectly clear when you are more excited about winning a game on your brand new iphone than spending time with your significant other and family.
So.. I ask you.. my great readers..
How do you deal with Technology in your house? Is it causing trouble? I would love to hear what you do to get past all the technology so you can have quality time with your loved ones..
Email me!
K Jaggers
♥
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