Its the time of year when all of us in relationships are trying to juggle Christmas as we merge families together. First off.. I think a big family celebration is great. I love it.. but I think as a couple we all should have just a little bit of the Christmas times to ourselves and our husbands and wives.
As if the family expectations aren’t enough, couples also have to juggle the demand of attending special church services, neighborhood White Elephants, work holiday parties, decorating for Christmas, and of course, shopping for presents on a limited budget … there is just too much to do and too little time to do it!
Come December 26th, the new husband and wife can feel as deflated as Frosty the Snowman without his magic hat on a sunny day.
Scott and I traveled a lot of years but this year we are hosting Christmas. After many years together we have figured out how to make things work for us.
Heres a few tips I found that might just make it easier for all of us!!
Decide on Your Holiday Season Festivities – As soon as possible, discuss what each of you would like to do, experience or attend over the holiday season. Talk about old family traditions you want to keep and new rituals you want to start. Do you want to go off and chop down a tree, pick up a live tree at the local store, or get a fake tree? Are there Christmas shows, plays or movies you want to see? You may want to make a list (and check it twice) of everything you and your mate want to do to celebrate the Christmas season.
Protect Your “Us” Time – Pull out the December calendar and mark the dates and times of firm activities (such as the work holiday party) and reserve times for other activities (such as visiting relatives and friends). In the midst of all the festivities, be sure to reserve dates for just the two of you to be together as a couple. While your time together may or may not involve Christmastime activities, it is important to protect your “us” time.
Make a Christmas Budget – Nothing adds more stress to a relationship then debt. The fun and frolicking of December gift buying can give way to anxiety and stress in January when the bills start arriving. Set a budget based on what you can afford. Keep in mind that gifts are just one part of the equation. Money is spent on decorations, the tree, Christmas clothes, and Nutcracker tickets, etc. Budget for all of it, and best that you can, stick to it!
Prepare for Someone’s Feelings to Get Hurt – Now that you know what you need and want to do over the holidays … you need to tell those closest to you what your plans are and how it may affect their expectation for you. This is never easy, especially the first time around, but it is a necessary conversation to have. Because change is never easy, be respectful, listen to their concerns and empathize with how they’re feeling. It may take a little time for them to understand that your choices are pragmatic, not personal. Just be sure to handle the situation with love.
.Start Your Own Traditions – A marriage is the conceiving of a new family with the continuation of old traditions and the making of new ones. Since you are a family (that will likely grow in size in the years to come), create traditions that are your own. Whether it’s buying an annual personalized tree Onaments, watching a recent or classic Christmas movie, attending a special Christmas event, or serving the needy during the holidays, this is the time to launch new traditions that are uniquely yours.
Don’t Try to Cram Too Much Family Into Too Little Time – I’ve seen some couples who look like the grandma who “got run over by a reindeer”. Because everyone wanted to see them “on Christmas Day”, the poor couple shuttled around from her parents place to his dad’s apartment to his mom and stepfather’s house. The couple spends more time in the car then with people. And when it comes time to leave, they get guilt tripped about how little time there was to spend together.
To avoid this chaotic guest appearance schedule, spread out the traveling, the visiting and the various Christmas celebrations over the course of days rather then hours. Each year, swap which side of the family gets you on Christmas Day, Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas. By taking a step towards sanity, everyone will benefit.
Being Santa’s Little Helper Doesn’t Have to Be Stressful – One of the self-inflicted stressers couples put on themselves (not to be sexist here but it is usually the wife) is to find the “perfect” Christmas present. It’s really doesn’t have to be that complicated. Check out the " gifts " and homemade gifts " labels to get lots of ideas that will work for anyone!
Reflect on Your First Year and Plan for the Year Ahead – Spend some time looking back on your life together since getting married or starting your relationship. What has surprised you the most? What has the transition to married life been like? How do you think the rest of your first year will go, and why? With Christmas being so close to the start of the New Year, make some resolutions for your relationship. Commit to read a marriage book together, attend a marriage conference, or download a podcast of a relationship speaker. Do something in the upcoming year to invest in the health and quality of your relationship.
Remember What Christmas is All About – In the midst of the lights, the eggnog lattes and the familiar songs about snow and chestnuts, take some time to read the original Christmas Story and understand that its not just the gift giving. This is a must with my children who are more consumed with gifts than history or traditions.
While the holiday season is a jumble of memories, traditions, expectations and experiences, we shouldn’t lose sight that Christmas has many many meanings for different people.
Your Christmas together as husband and wife should be nothing short of fun, memorable and stress-free. And it can be if you take control of it.
I also found this great list of some new holiday traditions anyone can start..
I hope this post gets all of you guys thinking about what traditions as a couple you want to make?? Along with traditions for your children and extended family. Its all about spreading love and cheer and remembering whats most important.
Have any traditions that you and your husband do for the holidays??
Send them to me!!
Happy Holidays!!
K Jaggers
♥
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