MARRIED LIFE: Merry Marriage!!

Well Christmas Eve is fast approaching.. And such a big night for us! Right now, its Monday night.. I am going to be working on this post a little each night leading up to Thursday. I love this series.. I get a ton of feedback and I could write about the complexity of marriage any time. There are so many components to a happy marriage, which can give us topics to talk about every day if we wanted!

Remember.. these post are not just for married couples. Any couple. Married, living together, long distant, straight, gay.. they are for everyone who is trying to manage a relationship. Always remember that!!

A GIFT..

I know we all think about gifts during the holidays. I mean how can we not??


But guess what….marriage is a gift. ( marriage life )

Except I don’t think many of us see it that way.

I don’t think many of us treat it that way either.

Not only is the good in marriage: the honeymoon stage, the romantic evenings, celebrations, quiet moments with newborns, creating a home together, a gift…

But the bad in marriage is also a gift. You know, sicknesses, lost jobs, discipline issues, hurt feelings, disappointments…they all serve to make us better. To teach us lessons. To create a bonding history with our spouse.

Do you treat your marriage, your whole marriage, as the gift that it is?

Do you treasure it, take care of it, make it a priority, fix it when it’s broken…

Or do you set it aside when the newness has worn off, keep the receipt just in case so you can return it down the road for something you like better, or toss it in a storage box?

Think about a material gift you going to receive this weekend.  . You know how excited you are going to get? How you are just going to love it.. show it off and brag about it to everyone?

What would happen if you allowed yourself to see everything in your marriage as a gift and got as excited about your marriage as you did about that present?

It would change things.. that's for sure. I mean there are nights that I just don't want to deal with my husband in his tired and bad moods. But even on the nights we are bickering and not getting a long, I know what a gift he really is, what a gift our marriage and life is, and what a gift WE are to each other.

But since its the holidays things always seem to get a lot more busy and a little more stressed.

The holidays are held out as a time of warmth, love, and family togetherness. They can also be stressful. Pressure to get the right gifts, spend the right amount of time with the right people, attend all possible festivities, and do it all with never-ending joy and holiday spirit. These expectations and associated guilt can take its toll.

There is a way to enjoy the holidays and take care of yourself and your marriage at the same time. While it’s best to decide where you’ll be spending the holidays by Labor Day, there’s still time. It takes a little talking and some extra planning but, if you and your spouse make the effort, you can turn this, and every future, holiday season from naughty to nice.

1. Address past holiday upsets. Sit down with your husband or wife and identify what problems have occurred in the past. Try to be as clear and specific as possible. Pay close attention to who is involved as well as what is happening in the environment. Then, take a good look at how your behavior plays into the pattern. Identify how you have behaved in response to the situation in the past and develop a different, more productive, approach.

2. Feel what you feel and then find a way to let it go. One of the hardest parts of the holidays is the assumption that everyone should always be happy. If you feel forced into a certain emotional response, resentment will build and ruin your holidays. Take the time to acknowledge your emotions and then decide if you want to let that feeling define your day. If not, sit with the feeling for about five minutes and then let it go. Choose a feeling that is in keeping with how you want to be that day.

3. Focus on your family. Make sure you are taking time each day to do something just with your partner and/or your children. Take a walk, go to a movie, or take an after meal “nap” to get away from constant togetherness. Offer to cook a meal and then escape to the grocery store. Sometimes when I just need a break, I will just go sit in the bathroom and take a few deep breaths and just breath.  This is a great way to introduce some of your traditions and give you a break at the same time.

4. Routine is important. Stay on your schedule as much as possible. Make time to exercisese. Maintain your approach to diet and alcohol intake. Your body is out of its routine, so don’t confuse it more by excess. Moderation is the key to feeling well. Maintain your sleep patterns. Staying up or getting up later than usual leaves you susceptible to mood swings and lack of patience. Helping your children maintain a routine will help them maintain control and be a tremendous gift to you and your partner.This is critical in our home. Schedule and routine are everything to me.

5. Be proactive. Take ownership of your holidays and have an alternative plan. The holiday police may want to rule your life, but that can only happen if you let them. If the only way to ensure peace and harmony in your relationship is to stay in a hotel if you are visiting someone, or shorten the visit by a couple of days, do it. Maintaining the long term health of your relationship is the best gift you can give or receive at the holidays.

I’ve always seen Christmas as a time of renewal. I encourage each of you to bypass the Hallmark generated thoughts and take some time to pen some of your own. Think about the reason for the season. Write down what comes to mind about Christmas and about your wife. Maybe it will take a few edits, but if you dedicate yourself to a good 15 minutes of writing I’m positive that you will come up with some sentiments that will bring a true smile to your husband or wife.

We have one more Married Life Post before the end of the year.. EXCITED!!

So, Happy Holidays and Merry Marriage!

K Jaggers

♥