Its been a while since I have done one of these post, and I thought one of the lessons I am currently learning would be beneficial to share! Jackson will be 11 years old in 2 days. Most of the time, he is a loving and caring little boy who lights up our home with his sweet smile and fun attitude. However, he is trying to grow up a little and I am quickly becoming # 1 enemy. The bad parent, if you will.
On Sunday he took the time to let me know that I am not so respectful to his wants and desires...which quickly turned into a " bash mom ""
time for him. I about flipped out being I am the one who does everything from him. It must be nice to be the happy fun parent but I am the one who has to make sure he is up in time for school, takes care of making sure he has all his stuff in his backpack, lunch packed, rush him around town to all his appointments, do homework, and all the not so glamorous jobs of being a mom. Instead, I am the pushy parent. I had to accept this because after all, it was Jackson's perception of things. I quickly got angry with what he said, gathered up all his crap and booted him out of my bedroom. Every night before bed, I have to clean up his mess in my own room and that certainly wasn't going to happen anymore. I was so angry. It took a good few hours for me to even talk to him. I had to calm down and get myself together before approaching this matter. I think it is important for the kids of this time to understand that their parents have feelings too. Once things calmed down, we were able to talk and work things out. I am sure many of you have had your feelings hurt before by your kids but I am just starting to really experience it. My best friend told me to hold on because soon in the coming years, I will be hated but if I am lucky the loving son I once had will come back. I am soooo not looking forward to those years. Maybe they are already here. I think its so important that kids learn sympathy and empathy. Jackson had to understand that he hurt my feelings and I really didn't think he understood how he could hurt my feelings all by himself. He was only speaking his truth. But...today when he came home from school and found me doing laundry and picking up his room he came up to me and said:
"I'm sorry mom. I know you do a lot for me and I didn't really mean it. I love you and I really am sorry. "
In that moment, my heart melted and I was no longer angry or hurt and forgave my little boy for hurting my feelings. I just have not had to experience a lot of hurt feelings from the kids yet. I am sure there are going to be many more years of painful moments but maybe this past weekend was a big learning lesson not only for Jackson...but for me too. I am learning that there is no way I can hold a grudge with my kids..and there is no other option other than to work it out as a family one day at a time. And also not take things so personal when it is coming from angry kids!
xoxo
K Jaggers
♥
This is so true. I've experienced this several times with my now 16 year old son. There are times his words pierce and I have to seriously ask him to give me a breather because as the parent I know to react would be well not good. I do like you did. Take some time away, regroup and then explain that my feelings hurt the same as his.
ReplyDeleteIt's great to know my home isn't the only one where this happens. Thanks for sharing!
Raising kids is hard and the teenage years are the worst! The good news is, they do come back around, eventually! I wouldn't want those years again! God bless you!
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