A NIGHT OF GOOD COMPANY

Tonight turned out pretty interesting. About once a month or so we try to get together with one of our old friends Jeff. He likes to come to up to Cinn. and we drive to see him. It takes us forever in the car but the company is worth it.. We smile and laugh a lot and catch up on whats been going on with each of us. Tonight was kinda a early Birthday dinner for me. We all actually made it to Outback before it was swamped and enjoyed a great meal. Jeff and I always seem to trade dinners. He is on a major diet but he still likes to eat good food. We usually seem to order things both of us like and we trade! Its pretty funny! He can only have small bites of things due to the diet but a few little bites here and there is worth it I guess! I personally think he has lost enough weight but he thinks another month of strick dieting will put him where he wants to be. I am actually proud at how serious he has took it. He is trying his hardest to find the love of his life. He hasn't really dated a lot but that is changing too.. Its funny to hear his dating stories. I have faith that the right woman will come his way really soon. After dinner we hit the outlet mall down the road. We went into a lot of shops but really I didnt find much. Neither did Scott. I am looking for another pair of Nikies. It has almost become a tradition that for my birthday I get new Nikies. I have designed a pair but they wont be ready for a while so in the mean time I want another pair! I love heels. I have ton of them but nothing and I mean nothing compares to a pair of Nikies. I have never really been much of a tom boy but I sure love my Nikies. When I am in an office environment I have no trouble dressing up but being I am home or just running errands most of the time now, Nikies are perfect. I guess you could say I am addicted being I have over 20 pairs! But I keep them all nice and stored in their boxes until I wear them! No sense in having a big collection unless they are taken care of! But anyway, tomorrow I plan on going on the hunt again for my next pair! Loving that! I also got to get real serious about getting things done around the house. There is a ton of spring things to get done. I have to get it all finished up before the kids come for summer break so I can focus my time on them and not the house. I miss them sooooo much. Cant wait for them to get here. Got to work on the calender to figure out all we will be doing. We usually stay pretty busy going different places, doing crafts and swimming. My little Jackson is a fish! And he can do flips off the diving board at 7 yrs old. He is the most daring little boy. I have to admit... I love him being a ruff and tuff little boy. It worries the hell out of me but I am trying to let him experience things on his own without my fear in his head. Scott was in a pretty good mood today even though he was hurting due to his neck. He ended up taking half the day off today. I wasn't expecting it because he never does. But I love the time we had together. His intelligence, warmth, and confidence still makes my heart melt. I don't know if he really knows this or not, but I really do respect him for all that he is and does. I make fun of him all the time for being a Republican but i even love that. For no other reason than its a part of him. All I know is, if I had to do it all over again , and I mean the hell before Scott along with the happiness now, I would do it all over again. Just to be able to have him. That's a pretty good kind of wonderful. And you know as I sit here and think about it, I am extra lucky. Because... I have never had to sacrifice my self respect to be with him. Never, not once. And really in past relationships I did.. I allowed cheating, hitting, lieing, and just painful situations that tore my self respect apart. It was a way of life at that time. Now life has changed so much. I still wonder how did I get here? All the bad brought me to the good. Its amazing. OH..UPDATE ON MY GRANDMOTHER AND ALSO MY MOTHER I spoke to my grandmother about 5 this afternoon. She was doing great with my Uncle Rick and had a nice lunch and was happy that she was in a better place. She seemed to be happier. She giggled and said her son was cooking dinner for her. He is also putting her in his room so she wont have to go down the basement steps. Really glad she is with him. It makes me feel more at ease with the entire situation of Grandma. It sure is hard watching someone you love grow older. I know she is strong in her mind, but her body is growing more weak and every day things are harder for her. Would give anything to be around her to help out more. But, I call her a couple times a day and try to at least keep her company. I know things about my grandmother than no one else does simply from our conversations. She is a special lady. And re my mother.. I made a very significant decision and action today. I decided that I am finished. She has won. I refuse to be effected by her bullshit. It is impossible for me to have any kind of positive life surrounded by negative people. I just refuse. And in a quite moment I deleted her number from my phone. I also deleted it from Scott's phone too. I love her, wish her well, but I am finished. Any mother who can do to their child what she has done to me doesn't deserve children. Period. She just threw me away. I don't even think she thought about it. Instead I think she thought of herself. As Always. I don't know how I am going to deal with her with the kids. My kids love her so I am not going to try to keep her away. But family moments of all of us are over. It sadness me and anyone who knows me, knows I don't like people upset with me but enough is enough and I give up. I cant keep going through this type of shit with her. My mind, heart and soul cant take it. But instead of looking upon this as negative or depressing, I am trying to look at it as a positive thing. I wont have the heart ache that I continue to have over her. She simply don't want this relationship so I am letting her out of her obligation. ITS OVER. Well, I am going to try to get some rest. Its late and tomorrow I have a busy day. Its a late night for baby so I should be able to get a lot done. Plus I need to take time to job hunt too. I need something part time to get me out of the house a little more and something to help give me a purpose. Its not been in easy in our town being it has one of the highest unemployment rates in the state but maybe with spring and summer there will be some new job openings around here. Well, goodnight to all. Hope everyone is dreaming a great dream tonight. K Jaggers ♥